PSM #26: Managing Your Self Talk
Probably the most valuable skill that I have acquired in management is the ability to manage self. Though I am certain that some would argue that I am not the most skilled at applying this knowledge. For example, I know the process of stopping smoking, but I still smoke. And I have a lot of practice at quitting.
Effective management requires a unique perspective. This perspective comes from one being centered, confident, and proactive rather than reactive. Effective management also requires communications skills, both verbal and non-verbal. And I think it requires a confidence of one who is comfortable with self and has a clear direction.
In this section on managing self I will review the skills and techniques that I have found useful.
One of the most useful skills I have found that empowers pro-action is the ability to watch my own thoughts. As I watch my thoughts I can interrupt the reaction that I would normally generate and replace it with a more appropriate action. Further, by altering the internal talk, I can change how I feel, how I interpret what I see or hear.
So I want you to watch your thinking for the next few minutes. Look at something. Note the internal dialog that you have that interprets what you saw. Note the instant before you make that internal comment. Think about an alternative comment that would totally change how you feel.
If you commute, you will have the opportunity to find several situations that upset you. Note how you judge the other fellow in these situations. Listen to the internal dialog. Then the next time a driver does something stupid, (yes, I know it will not take long), say something to yourself like “I am glad I have more time than he does” or some other positive comment and note how you feel differently about the driver.
Seek other situations during your day and note those situations where your internal comment is negative and destructive and brings you down. (By the way, it does not bring the other person down.) Consider what constructive commentary you could internally utter that would change your attitude. Note then how you could more constructively deal with the situation. Try to make your internal comment more factual and less editorial.
Consider now the influence you can exercise over situations by selecting alternative representations to yourself. You can actually change how you feel about something or someone by changing your internal dialog about the something or someone. See if you can change your feeling about something you don’t like to something that you do like by interrupting negative reaction and stating positive statements instead.
Try this for the next few days. Practice watching and listening to your internal dialog. Note how much different you feel when you take command and change your conversation.
